I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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