Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
