my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
