Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
