Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
