did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
