mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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