How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
