Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
