He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
