don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's like iHOP with fire
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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