Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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