So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
