I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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