halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
