i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
