a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
