i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
