I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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