Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
