I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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