I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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