i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize