his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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