haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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