..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
