rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
