i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
