So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
