I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
porn star boner night. come get it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
