So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
