I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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