She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I intend to get homeless drunk
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
