yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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