This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize