The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
