You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you win again, gameday.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Mom said you looked used
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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