You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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