I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
