Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
