That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize