Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
