There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
