Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
