New low: just hacked my moms facebook
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All the doctor said was why
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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