I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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