I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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