My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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