just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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