It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
