she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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