Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
