So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
third nipple confirmed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
