if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
