Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
