Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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