He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
