you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
