Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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