Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
