frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
