"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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