I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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