what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
