I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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