I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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