Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
