cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
