i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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